Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Ah, dawn -- the only time of the day that really belongs to me. Quiet, free, cool -- it's enough to make me glad I can't get back to sleep.

Very busy recently. Last week I worked at the Amaranth fireworks stand. Then we had guests, and I barely brought the house within standards before they arrived. And Mom left at the last minute, and wanted me to check on Grandma. And Doug had his worst migraine in years. Too much going on. Yet, now that it's over I feel a little aimless. It's hard to move back from responding to external demands to following one's own star. My body was complaining that I had pushed it too hard for this point in my recovery from whiplash even while I felt empty from lack of activity. Logically, I should have been glad for the rest.

I'm often unsure of where to balance rest and activity. The recovery process makes the comfort zone smaller. My muscles stiffen more easily when they don't get enough movement, and complain more quickly when I overdo it. So this period would educate me on the right balance if that balance weren't a moving target. It changes as I regain the reserves lost to the shock.

No point in stressing myself to reach for perfect balance. Just dance it daily, moving in awareness, and it will take care of itself.

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