Angel's Island

Walter Mosley is most known for his detective fiction. He also ventures into science fiction, and this first sentence comes from one of the stories in his collection, Futureland.

The main driver of this first sentence is subtle wrongness. At first take, this is a straight-forward description. Then, wait – in what circumstances would six naked men walk in together? That's not a feature of most homes or workplaces or public venues. Nakedness, in our society, is mostly reserved to private rooms with only one or two people in them.

Next, there's a weak circle of light. To see a weak circle of light, we need a very dark background. The circle would disappear without contrast. On a stage, we see very bright circles show up against moderate lighting. Is this a stage? If so, why isn't there more light around the circle? What does it mean that the light is weak and surrounded by darkness?

Then there's "a corner of the great chamber." This weak circle is part of a large room. Many eyes could be hidden in the rest of the large chamber. These naked men are subject to the view of others they can't see. This is a subtle placing of them at the bottom of a hierarchy. They don't have the protection and celebration of standing on a stage. They can't see who might be watching them. And they are unshielded by clothing.

Look at the three adjectives: naked, weak, great. That progression, too, shows the men as unprotected and powerless and surrounded by something large and unknown. This sentence begins to outline a conflict between individuals and the system around them.

Finally, the sentence has lovely grammar. The basic subject and verb elements which create a sentence are complete in the first four words: Six naked men walked. Then, a series of phrases, each starting with a preposition, adds rhythm and motion. I'll divide the remainder of the sentence with dashes to show those breaks: into the weak circle – of light – in a corner – of the great chamber.

Walter Mosley can break the rules of grammar when he wants to. This sentence shows that he knows them and can take advantage of them as well.