Nalo Hopkinson started Brown Girl in the Ring with a true hook. The stakes are high: a viable human heart means someone's death. The problem is urgent: both "as soon as" and "fast" point to hurrying. We have a character, Baines – although he is giving someone else – "you" – the problem of finding a human heart. Baines has his own problems. He blurts out his speech, which shows he is anxious. We don't know much about the location. The room could be large or small, furnished or empty, new or crumbling – that's not important now. We need a human heart. Hopkinson made a good choice on which details to include and which to leave out.
How did she choose those details? By selecting which words are precise, and which ones are generic. "Room" is generic. "Viable," "human," and "blurt" are specific.
She has also used alliteration to emphasize the most important words. There are two pairs of words that start with the same letter: "Baines blurted" and "human heart." The first pair shows Baines possibly making a mistake and the second pair sets the stakes to life or death.
The rhythm of the sentence also shows that she paid attention to how it sounded as well as what it meant. Just looking at the commas, we see a long phrase, then a short phrase, a long phrase, and a very short phrase. Try reading that aloud. Do you hear how the short phrases have extra emphasis? That single last word, "fast," is like a punch to the gut.
Brown Girl in the Ring caught a lot of attention when it came out. I remember liking it. A close look at the first sentence has raised my awareness of its craft.
Graphic design by Ken Silbert